Home | Site Map | Contact Us | About Us | Articles | Tips | Resources | Links
So much of what people do when faced with a serious illness is to concentrate
on the medical aspects of diagnosis and treatment. . . what kind of surgery is
needed . . . is radiation necessary . . . . what to do about chemotherapy.
Although this is important, women diagnosed with breast cancer can be bombarded
with information from which to make decisions. If this is the case, you may be
left exhausted and in a place where it is difficult to take care of yourself.
The next section of this book is dedicated to giving you information to help you
recover not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. Some call it
complementary medicine, we call it taking care of the whole person - inside and
out. Complementary medicine includes more than what this book contains. But when
it is added to your regular treatment, a more successful recovery is guaranteed
as has been proven by breast cancer patients time and time again.
If questions come up while reading these chapters, many resources available to
you are listed in the last section of this book. It is hoped that you will take
advantage of these resources.
Dealing with Emotions
Although time can be healing in itself, all women who have experienced breast
cancer must deal with the initial emotions that come with being told they have
cancer.
Emotions are a very real and important part of our lives. How we feel and
express our emotions is a big part of who we are and how we deal with various
events.
A number of emotions can be felt in varying degrees at the time of diagnosis and
for months later. Feeling a certain amount of fear is expected, and a normal
amount of fear can range anywhere from panic to denial. Usually, what we are
thinking at the time will determine how we respond.
The first thing we must do to help us cope is to identify any distortions in our
thinking. Then we must determine what is, in fact, reality or the truth of our
situation.
We can put things in perspective by identifying positive examples of our ability
to be in control, to love and to be loved. We should recall examples of areas in
our lives where we are not helpless (use of unique talents or skills,
maintaining a job, caring for a family, participating in our medical care) and
areas where our ability to be loved is evident (relationship with spouse and
family members, friendships, etc.)
Women cope with the diagnosis of breast cancer is a variety of ways, all of
which include individual styles depending on the woman's personality. None of
these styles are necessarily right or wrong, but it is best to use a variety of
coping techniques.
Some women are information seekers. They gather information and try to learn as
much as possible about the situation. Developing a better understanding can help
us feel more in control. Other women take action by jogging, asking someone to
pray for them, or by doing the things that they know will help them feel better.
Some are very cautious and at times, want to take things very slowly. Others may
spend a lot of time thinking over the situation.
It is ideal when you can move up and down these coping techniques, using the one
that is most appropriate for the circumstance at the time. For many of us,
participating in our own care is a very positive way to take control in a
situation which can feel very much out of control.
How you feel may be different from day to day. Most breast cancer patients
report that certain days or certain times of the day are much more difficult
than others. Experiencing the emotions discussed in this chapter are normal
after a breast cancer diagnosis. But if you find yourself in a depression which
seems to significantly affect your daily activities, you should not be afraid to
ask for professional help. It is important to take charge of not only physical,
but also emotional well-being.
Anger
Anger is often the quickest and easiest response to an uncontrollable situation.
For breast cancer patients, anger may be a way of masking confusion,
vulnerability, and panic. Common questions may include: why is this happening to
me? What did I do to deserve this? Blocking out positive feelings, snapping at
friends and family, constant bitterness--these reactions are normal, and
responding to breast cancer with anger may give a person more time to sort
through more difficult feelings.
It is very easy to become angry, but dealing with anger takes time. There are a
number of ways to deal anger:
1. Ask yourself if anger is helping you. If it is, talk with a person you trust
and feel comfortable with when you express feelings of anger.
2. Try to replace anger with positive feelings, such as love and optimism.
3. Use the energy from anger in constructive activities such as painting,
sewing, and helping others.
Denial
Denial is another way to confront cancer.
Denial can be a healthy way to deal with breast cancer if it:
1. Helps you to struggle against what appears to be a hopeless situation.
2. Allows you to focus on living a full life that includes exercise, good
nutrition, and positive imagery.
Denial can be ineffective if it:
1. Focuses on sadness and despair over your illness.
2. Prevents you from facing reality. Denial which is destructive can be improved
with professional help, support groups, and the support of family members.
Depression
Depression can affect every aspect of your life--your thoughts, feelings, and
actions--on a daily basis. The shock of discovering that you have breast cancer
may cause you to lose the motivation you once had to perform simple tasks; you
may block out any positive feelings, experience mood swings, or you may feel out
of control of your life.
Combat depression by:
1. Focusing on the positive things that you still have rather than thinking
about what has been lost.
2. Staying active by going to the movies, reading, or spending time with
interesting people.
3. Spending time in positive environments, whether in the company of exciting
people or by listening to tapes that help you to focus on positive imagery.
Working through depression takes time and effort. As you work through it,
recognize that some things about your life are not in your control. Begin to
develop a long-term plan for coping and living fully with breast cancer, and
give yourself time to implement your plan. Don't be hard on yourself if it takes
a long time or if you find yourself slipping into depression again. Reward
yourself with positive activities. When you fall into depression, be persistent
yet kind to yourself, in pulling out of it.
Fear
This is one of the most powerful emotions that you may feel after cancer is
diagnosed.
Fear of losing control: This fear can be particularly difficult if you are an
independent person or if you have high regard for helping or providing for
others. Perhaps you are a mother, a homemaker, or a breadwinner for your family.
The inability to carry out these roles may cause you to fear a loss of control
in your environment and in your own well-being.
Fear of physical change: The changes from surgery and/or radiation as well as
losing a breast may represent a loss of sexuality and a loss of self-worth. You
may feel incomplete, and this can cause:
a. a loss of interest in normal activities including sexual behavior
b. loss of appetite
c. inability to sleep or concentrate
d. wanting to reject surgery that could be a cure because of the fear of
disfigurement.
Fear of rejection or abandonment: Cancer, like every serious illness, can give
you a sense of rejection or abandonment by friends or family. Normal behavior in
your family's past may be misinterpreted. Talking about these fears and letting
them understand your feelings can bridge the gap. Family counselling may be
necessary to reach better understanding by all members.
Fear of Death: The fear of dying may not be as great as the fear of not living
to do all the things you've dreamed of and planned, such as seeing your children
grow, building a house, and being a grandmother. Breast cancer is life
threatening, but most women do not die from this disease.
Coping with the possibility of death may require counselling. It is important to
express this fear with your doctor or other health care professional. They can
give you information which will help to put your situation into perspective.
Faith and or religion can provide an inner strength and can help you to live
with your disease.
Contributed by Carla Wheaton, U.Va. Student Intern, Robert S. Brown, M.D.,
Ph.D., Clinical Professor of Psychiatric Medicine, and M. C. Wilhelm, M.D.
References: Johnson, Judi and Linda Klein. I Can Cope. Minneapolis, Minnesota:
DCI Publishing, 1988.
Stress Management
Coping
Throughout our lives we are faced with problems. Sometimes they are the kind we
deal with every day, and we don't give much thought to them once they are behind
us. Other problems are more important and demand more of us. More serious
problems may cause worry, poor sleep, headaches and other disturbances. Whether
the problems are big or small, we have our own way of dealing with them. These
methods of dealing with problems are called coping skills. We usually learn
these skills at a young age and continue to use them until we find that they
don't work anymore.
A cancer diagnosis takes a toll on the patient and her family physically and
emotionally. When something comes along that is out of the ordinary, we may need
to look for help and develop new coping skills. There are sources of help which
will be discussed in this chapter.
Support Groups
A burden shared is a burden lightened. It is an amazing sense of relief when we
are able to share a feeling with someone who has had a similar experience and
understands our situation. Sometimes, when family is not enough, we may need to
talk with someone who sees the situation from our point of view. This is what
happens in a support group where people share problems and solutions. Support
groups can provide not only friendships, but also someone we can call when we
need a friend who really understands. By sharing our experiences with others,
everyone benefits by helping us feel less isolated.
Some patients report that their friendships change when they are diagnosed with
breast cancer. Friends may begin to distance themselves from the relationship,
and it is difficult to understand why this happens. Usually it is because
hearing that a friend has cancer can be very frightening for them, and they may
begin protecting themselves from their own fears. It is important to understand
that this is usually not a personal rejection, but perhaps a painful reminder
about their own mortality which they may have difficulty dealing with.
Support groups are particularly helpful when it comes to understanding personal
situations such as changing friendships and family relationships, body image,
children's questions, and personal fears. It is a place where patients can cry
and laugh together, a place where people do not have to feel alone.
Support Groups are not for everyone, and each individual should make their own
decision as to whether they should attend.
Visualization and Imagination
We all remember when we were children and how we would day dream about what we
were going to do when we grew up. It was a powerful and pleasing feeling
imagining ourselves as someone doing something wonderful we enjoyed. We may have
been a cowboy, an astronaut, a dancer, a policeman or a teacher. You could enter
your imaginary world and dream about things far away in space and time. We can
use that part of ourselves to help relieve anxiety and emotional discomfort.
Provided for you is a relaxation exercise which can be used at any time.
Remember that learning to relax takes practice and time. Try this exercise at
least a couple of times a day. Good times to relax are in the morning before
getting out of bed and again at night. With practice, this will become an easy
way to relieve stress anytime.
VISUALIZATION EXERCISE
Get in a comfortable position, either sitting in a comfortable chair or lying
down. Uncross your legs and arms. You might want to put on some relaxing music.
Take a deep breath, and hold it as you let go of your thoughts. Then let your
breath out slowly as you think relax and let go. Do this three times and then
begin to enter your imaginary place as you continue to breathe deep comfortable
breaths.
Today your imaginary place may be a vacation spot, your own back yard, the woods
where you walk or a fantasy place - any place where you can feel comfortable.
Now fill in the details. Look around. Are there trees, flowers, grass, the
ocean, a favorite chair? How is the air - warm and balmy, cool and refreshing?
What do you smell? What are the sounds -birds singing, leaves or grass rustling,
waves lapping the shore, children's voices? Now walk around, feel the ground
under your feel, the air brushing your cheek; begin to become part of the scene.
Now it's up to you. Wander around or find a nice place to sit. Create your own
story. Enjoy yourself as long as you wish. When you are finished, imagine
yourself slowly returning. Give yourself time to stretch and adjust before you
sit up. It will feel as if you were on a mini-vacation.
Muscle Relaxation
Everyone's body reacts to feelings, and sometimes life becomes so stressful that
our muscles tighten. We've all heard those expressions that describe the
sensation, what a pain in the neck, or he gives me a headache, or the thought of
that place makes me sick.
It may be helpful to train the body to relax the muscles. This can also help us
feel better. One way to do that is to use relaxed breathing, then give different
parts of your body signals to relax and let go. It's good to start at one point
of our body and work towards another. Some people like to start at their head
and work down to their feet. Others like to start at their feet and work up to
their head. It's best to start away from the place of discomfort. For example,
if our head hurts, we might want to begin relaxing our feet first.
MUSCLE RELAXATION EXERCISE
Get in a comfortable position, and turn on some relaxing music if you'd like.
Take a deep breath, and hold it as you let go of your thoughts. Then let your
breath out slowly as you think relax and let go. Continue to breathe deep
comfortable breaths. Begin sending messages to specific areas of your body as
you slowly repeat the following message:
My right foot is heavy and warm. My right foot is heavy and warm. Relaxation is
flowing into my foot. My right leg is heavy and warm, my right leg is heavy and
warm. Relaxation is flowing into my leg. My foot is heavy and warm, etc.
Continue to move around your body relaxing legs, pelvic area, back, abdomen,
chest, shoulders, neck, face, and scalp.
Now you will feel heavy and relaxed, warm and comfortable. You can remain this
way for awhile or allow yourself to drift into sleep. Always remember to stretch
before you get up.
Thought Stopping
There may be times when completely irrational thoughts enter our minds. For
example, waking up in the middle of the night concerned about a bill that has
not been paid or worried about what might happen tomorrow. Thoughts can go wild,
and panic may set in. Many times it is very hard to shake these thoughts and get
back to sleep.
Using Thought-Stopping is a way to help you deal with these irrational feelings
without ignoring them. Here are some things that can be done:
Take a deep breath and say stop very firmly. Tell yourself that this is not a
good time to deal with this. Do this persistently each time irrational thoughts
come to mind.
Get up, write down irrational thoughts, read, or walk around to help you gain
perspective.
Before going back to bed, try a visualization or relaxation technique to help
you relax and get to sleep.
When irrational thoughts come to mind, it is important to recognize that a
problem should not be approached in a panic. But it shouldn't be ignored,
either. Find ways to help reduce the panic (get up, listen to music, etc.), with
the understanding that emotional thoughts can be dealt with this in a much more
rational way at another time. Sleep is a very important part of healing. This
thought stopping technique may not work well the first time. But practice will
help you be better able to relax and go back to sleep.
Other Stress Management Suggestions
1. Humor and laughter are good for you. Laughter can make you feel better and
actually has a positive psychosocial effect. Read funny books, view funny
movies, and try to find ways to help yourself relax and laugh.
2. Use music and art constructively in helping you deal with your cancer
diagnosis. Listen to soothing music and express your feelings through music and
drawings.
3. Take care of yourself by getting exercise, eating right, and by getting
enough sleep. This makes you feel better physically and emotionally.
4. Pamper yourself-
(a) take a warm bubble bath
(b) you can go out and buy something small without spending a lot of money. (a
new scarf, earrings, etc.)
(c) get a manicure done or get a free make-over at one of the department store
make-up counters.
Source :
http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/internet/cancer/selfhelp.cfm#helpself