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Breast cancer brings a myriad of decisions that must be dealt with in an
immediate time frame. Time and energy have to be allocated to priority questions
and choices about treatment. Often, there are other issues of no less importance
that may lie dormant, or even be avoided, yet are still a source of worry and
anxiety. Along with self-image, a woman often has questions or fears about
sexuality and intimacy.
This important issue will likely surface at some point, whether a woman is
single or in a relationship. How will my husband/partner react to the changes in
my body? Will I still be attractive and desirable? Will I still feel sexy? Where
did my libido go? What about dating - when do I talk about this to someone? Do I
announce this at the first date or wait until intimacy is imminent? How have
other women handled this? What impact will this have on a relationship? Often a
husband or partner's reassurance does not allay these thoughts and doubts.
Many women say that they have difficulty discussing this topic with their
healthcare provider. They may see signs that the doctor is uncomfortable with
the topic or they may feel dismissed by an indifferent or humorous reply. A
breast cancer support group can provide a safe, understanding environment for
women to talk with other women about sexuality and breast cancer. Sharing and
hearing about the experiences of other women can "normalize", educate and
empower a newly diagnosed woman.
In fact, studies have shown that the most important thing to the partner of a
woman with breast cancer is that she survive and feel better. These studies show
that her physical appearance has more impact on the woman's sexuality than it
does on her partner's desire. It is important to try to see the situation from
the partner's perspective. Dr. Leslie Schover recommends this exercise: Close
your eyes and imagine that it is your partner who has breast cancer. Picture
your partner with the same body changes as yours - could you still make love to
your partner? Could you enjoy sex? Would you stop having sex with your partner
or end the relationship? Dr. Schover says that we judge ourselves more harshly
than others do. Do not assume that your partner shares any of the negative
feelings about the changes in your body that you do.
Couples can find a way to overcome any temporary sexual problems that may be
associated with treatment. Communicating your needs, concerns and desires with
each other is necessary. Individual or group therapy can be beneficial.
Education and information can be invaluable in reassuring both partners that
this is not permanent; for example, medication and fatigue can have a temporary
impact on libido. With patience, understanding, and being gentle with yourself,
you will find the way back to a positive and healthy intimate relationship.
Source :
http://breastcancertalk.org/Intimacy.html